About Men

Paddy Richardson
University of Otago
New Zealand

Deep South v.1 n.1 (February, 1995)

And here they all are, Kate, Cassy, Lindy and Fleur. They are in Cassy's bedroom, which is now the living room because Cassy never entertains on a grand scale any more and anyway she needs the living room for a work-room and a room for interesting and romantic soirees with her lovers except all Cassy's lovers are banned. Cassy announces dramatically that she does not do oases for married men anymore.

Kate's body so beautifully and loosely fills the chair. Her legs dangle, her arms hang over the edge and she wears black and blue trousers and a vibrant sort of blouse thing. Kate laughs out loud.

And Cassy. Cassy wears black. Black trousers, shirt; her feet are square, solid on the floor; her hands, face, arms are so so brown; she waves her cigarette, her wine. Silver rings glisten on her fingers.

Now Lindy. Lindy wears deep deepest sea green, her hair is dark red, curled. Lovely, Cassy said, touching Lindy's hair.

And here is Fleur. Wearing red and dark blue-purple and she has this new dramatic so-short hair-cut. Fleur has silver earrings which swing and swing and the others look at Fleur because of the hair and the others say Fleur's hair is great. Lindy says, of Fleur's eyes and dramatic Russian cheekbones.

Fleur is pleased. Kate and Cassy and Lindy are pleased. They are all very very pleased with each other.

What are they talking about? Men of course. Because they all think they might want one except for Kate who had had too many between the ages of thirty-eight and forty-two and now they all look the same. Kate says she went to the pub with Simon who doesn't count because he's an artist and a sweet and lovely friend. But, Kate says, there were all these men there, hundreds and hundreds of them, all drinking and talking and looking the same. I couldn't stand it Kate says.

Fleur says perhaps Kate should just build up gradually again. Just start off again with one or two.

But it is Lindy the women listen to, except Kate who just makes faces and laughs. Because Lindy is just not going to be celibate any more. After Andrew she was celibate for weeks. It was awful. She put on all this weight. But Lindy is now so thin and so determined. She has Isobel the man-expert for her man-coach. Lindy says Isobel finds men left right and centre. Isobel has found men in antique shops and air-port terminals and whisked them away from museums. And, because of Isobel's coaching, Lindy already has found one for herself. This one she found at the jazz concert.

Cassy and Fleur are entranced. Cassy leans forward and she says, Lindy how did you do it, and Lindy quite matter-of-factly explains about the selection process, how you scan a room to select the best possible one and then you just sit near the one you want and make eye contact. And conversation. Lindy says Isobel says you have to make conversation.

Fleur says, but what do you talk about Lindy? Lindy says she just said she thought she may know him from somewhere and they all laugh. Kate throws back her head and laughs very very loudly and asks, what does he do, is he married? Lindy says that she make quite sure he isn't, that's the rule, you have to make quite sure they're not attached first, Isobel says, because the attached ones aren't worth the bother.

Cassy and Fleur sigh and Fleur rubs her Russian cheek-bones and says, but how can you find out, Lindy, how can you know? Fleur has learned through bitter, bitter experience that men are prone to fabrication and evasion and so Fleur keeps on asking, but Lindy, how can you tell?

Lindy says vaguely that it's a bit complicated but Isobel says there definitely are signs. Fleur says, but what signs? Kate says has he got a job? Lindy says, well almost and Kate laughs again. Loudly.

Cassy says, an absolute stranger, Lindy, how brave. Cassy draws herself up, right then, she says, we'd better all start going out again.

Fleur screws up her face and wails, but we've tried that, Cassy and we always get so bored.

Lindy says well if nothing works Isobel's got heaps of cast-offs.

Fleur sighs and says she hasn't even got one, how does Isobel get cast-offs?

Kate says she heard about these women in Auckland and every six months or so they have a dinner party and you have to take a cast-off because just because you don't want one some other woman might.

Cassy says, that wouldn't work with us, all our cast-offs are married.

Lindy says to Cassy, well anyway what's happening with that one from Central, that orchardist one, Cassy? You said he was so sweet and sensitive and you'd like to get back to nature and everything.

Cassy says glumly that he kept on going on about his ex-wife and she isn't putting up with that, not after her married one. Cassy says, I haven't gone through all that with the married one just to do it all over again in the country.

Fleur says her old married one has an ulcer, he rang her up last week to tell her. Fleur says he sounded really sweet and sad, the poor man living with that seriously disturbed person. Well Fleur thought perhaps she should, perhaps she should . . .

Fleur's voice trails but Cassy and Lindy wave their arms about and they say, no Fleur, don't even think about it Fleur, have you forgotten about what you went through for that man?

Kate says, remember who'll be collecting the insurance, Fleur.

Fleur says, well he said, just listen to this. He rang me up and he said, we made raspberry jam in the weekend. We make raspberry jam. We.

Lindy and Cassy are upright in their chairs. Lindy says, oh insensitive and Cassy says, did you put the phone right down, Fleur, did you put the phone right down?

Kate says, but not too seriously disturbed to make raspberry jam.

Fleur pauses. Dramatically. Fleur's cheek-bones, hair and glittering eyes. And then he just went on and on about being sick and not getting any sleep. Because of this ulcer. He said he didn't know what the neighbours'd be thinking, the lights going on and off all night. So I just said. Fleur is dignified. I just said, never mind sweety, they'd just think she'd taken other one of her overdoses except she'd mixed up the laxatives with the disprins. And then I put the phone down.

Kate and Cassy and Lindy and Fleur laugh and laugh. Kate fills the wine glasses. Fleur lights the candles. Cassy brings in the pasta. Cassy's famous pasta with the egg-plant and tomatoes and mushrooms and garlic and with the thick, rich crust of cheese. They breathe it in, dig at it with their spoons and it is so wonderful, Cassy, you always make, Cassy.

And here is Fleur.

Fleur swims up and down the pool. Fleur swims every day. It is where she does all her profound thinking.

Fleur thinks about Cassy and Lindy and Kate. Fleur thinks about men and the selection process and doing eye contact. Fleur thinks about conversation.

Fleur thinks about Cassy telling her men do like you, Fleur, men are very attracted to you except every time one comes near, you just look distant and cool. Cassy tells the others that every time a man comes near Fleur she gets her "I belong to another" look on.

Which is a bit of a revelation to Fleur since she hasn't belonged to anybody much over the past two or three years except for her old married one. Fleur wonders why she does it since she is absolutely certain she wants a man. Fleur wants a man quite desperately. She will just have to stop doing it. And at once.

Fleur checks the pool. She doesn't even have to do the selection process, there is only one man. Fleur pushes back her goggles and examines him,well he's probably a bit young but he'll just have to do, she better practise anyway because Lindy said Isobel said you've just got to open yourself up to anything that may come along.

Fleur swims to the end of the pool, hesitates, turns, pauses, then gazes directly into the man's eyes. Fleur swims on. She wonders about her mascara.

Fleur does the eye contact three more times which seems quite enough for a first attempt. Fleur feels brave and triumphant and virtuous. She'll be able to tell Lindy she tried. Fleur continues with her swimming.

But the man. Approaching. Fleur draws herself up against the edge of the pool. The man asks if he knows Fleur from somewhere.

Fleur says, well she thought. . . . But now she doesn't think.

The man says he comes every morning, what about you?

Fleur says, oh. Well.

The man says he'll probably see her again. In the mornings. He's not working right now. He's on holiday. What about Fleur?

Fleur swims. Up and down. The man is much younger than she thought, probably much to young even to practise on. Fleur's face feels hot and she wants to giggle, well she does giggle, only gently, she can't help it but she swallows water and her swimming rhythm is upset, she is all put off. Fleur wants to giggle and giggle, she can't wait to tell the others.

Fleur swims. Up and down, up and down. She starts on her profound thinking again. About men.

Fleur adds up all the men in the past year or so. Well there was that counsellor one, that one who wore tennis shoes and lived in the bus and kept on saying, I know where you're coming from, Fleur. I know where you're coming from. And there that one Lindy had after her with the pink and grey office and that car. And that widower one, well everyone kept on saying those were the best kind, there's no messy ex-wives and they're possibly honorable and can sustain long-term relationships. Fleur sighs.

Fleur swims and swims. All I want, Fleur wails inside her head, all I want is real passion with a real man. She tries to imagine the sort of real man with whom she may have her passion. Fair or tall or dark. Sophisticated. Earthy. Fleur sighs. The creative visualisation classes have not worked.

Fleur wonders about Isobel's cast-offs.

And here they are again in Kate's living room. Such a perfect little room for Kate with the peach walls and the piano and the books and the tables and the lamps and the wide soft couches, but rather too cramped for Kate's lover who is no longer invited.

Cassy and Lindy and Fleur say, oh lovely, about the white-bait which is an offering from Kate's niece's one. Kate says that he is absolutely besotted.

Fleur breathes, oh, absolutely besotted and gazes wistfully across the table at Cassy and Lindy.

Lindy says, well you'll never believe this, that jazz concert one is already living with someone. Isobel told her. Isobel knows just about every man in Dunedin, thank God.

Fleur says men are just so devious, she honestly didn't know about her old married one until it was too late.

Cassy says well there's no point going out to jazz concerts and things, look what's happened to Lindy and anyway we just get bored.

Kate laughs but Cassy and Fleur and Lindy are subdued.

But then Fleur must tell her story about the pool and they laugh and laugh and Lindy tells about giving that jazz concert one something to think about when he rang up. The Kate tells her wonderful story about her son's friend, that one she thought was so sweet and shy propositioning her in the bathroom. Cassy and Lindy and Fleur are entranced, utterly entranced.

And then Cassy leans forward. Listen, she says, listen, I saw my married one.

Lindy's hair, dark red, curled, Fleur's earrings swing and swing, hands moving. Kate's eyes. Listen. Listen. Cassy's voice. Cool. Clear. Sweet. Telling the stories.

Kate places the casserole in the centre of the tables and takes off the lid and they smell, spoon, talk. Their bodies so beautifully and loosely fill the chairs, their feet firm, square on the floor, faces, arms, tilted forward, the table is round, their arms rounded, Cassy's hair is a dark shining cap; see the circles.

Watch them; Kate, Cassy, Lindy and Fleur. Listen to them laughing and talking and talking.
About men.