Facts or Judgment
Describing behaviours: Facts or judgments?
Getting your description of the behaviour right is key, and will set your feedback off on the right track. In BUILD we describe facts, not judgments. The difference between the two may sound obvious on the surface, but when you look closer, the difference is subtle, and statements may appear factual when they are really our beliefs or feelings. And while your feelings are true to you, they are not facts.
Consider some other simple situations many of us may have faced. Being thoughtful about our use of language when giving feedback helps avoid unwanted conflict, and sets you up for a positive conversation.
| Situation | Facts | Judgements |
|---|---|---|
| Lateness:
Your colleague Julia has just arrived at a meeting, 15 minutes after it was due to start. |
“You accepted the invitation for 3pm, it’s now 3.15pm” This is true, and unarguable, as long as you saw the acceptance. Next you can describe the impact the behaviour had on you. |
“Julia, you’re late, we had to start without you.” Julia may have a different view on what constitutes being late or there may be a legitimate reason why she’s late. If I say this she may disagree and we may argue. |
| Something they said:
You haven’t done something your manager asked you to do, because you were called away urgently. Your manager has called you “lazy and unprofessional.” |
“You just said ‘You’re lazy and unprofessional’.” When giving feedback about words people used, verbally or in an email, simply repeat the words back, as they were said. Next you can describe the impact the behaviour had on you. |
“How dare you call me lazy, that’s unprofessional and rude.” Describing attitudes like rudeness is judgmental. You may feel it’s rude but saying that will raise the temperature of the discussion. |
In describing behaviours, facts work much better than judgments. The difference between them may seem obvious on the surface, but looking closer, statements that appear factual are actually our beliefs or feelings. Unsurprisingly when we make judgments, people feel judged and it can lead to unproductive conversations. Here are some situations you may recognize, where describing the behaviour in a factual way gets the feedback off to a positive start.
| Fact | Judgment | |
|---|---|---|
| Messy kitchen | You've left plates in the sink | The kitchen is a mess |
| Late for a meeting | You accepted for 3 and now it's 3:15 | It's inconsiderate to be late |
| Talking over you in a meeting | You just spoke while I was talking | Can I finish what I was saying? |
| Gossiping | You're talking about Sally | You are gossiping about Sally |
| Shouting | You've raised your voice | Stop shouting |
| Aggressive email | You used a lot of capitals in the email | That was a very rude email |
| You said you didn't like the joke, then he said 'it's only banter' | You described the jokes as banter | It's not banter, it's innapropriate |
| Irritable and huffy | You shook your head and sighed | You're being really off towards me |
| Said that 'you are an idiot' | You just said 'you are an idiot' | How dare you say that to me? |